No Lice Left Behind
Privacy Policy
1. Introduction
NoLiceLeftBehind.com, a property of NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC, values your privacy and the security of your information. As such, we have written and published this Privacy Policy for your benefit.
Throughout this Privacy Policy, you may see the terms, "we," "our," "us," " NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC," and " NoLiceLeftBehind.com." Where appropriate, these terms refer to us, NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC.
Additionally, the terms "NoLiceLeftBehind.com," "NoLiceLeftBehind," "site," "website," and "service" refer to our website and its associated services, NoLiceLeftBehind, as is appropriate.
"You" and "your" refer to you, the person entering into this Privacy Policy agreement with NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC.
This Privacy Policy is a legally binding agreement, to the same extent that our Terms of Service are binding. It should be treated as a contract and read and agreed to by you with the level of diligence appropriate to entering into such contracts.
2. Personal Information We Collect
As a condition of your using our website, we may collect your name, e-mail address, mailing address, date of birth, telephone number, business locations, Vehicle Identification Number, Driver's License, and other information. By "may," we mean "will," but we thought we would sound less threatening if we wrote "may." Seriously, we're gonna make you give us everything but your kitchen sink.
3. Non-Personal Information We Collect
We also collect information that is less personal, and cannot normally be used to identify you without a subpoena. This information includes non-identifying information such as your IP address, browser, referring URL, sales/revenue information, square footage, and other information.
4. How We Use Your Information
We may collect your Social Security Number and e-mail account logins and display them on that big TV in Times Square (just kidding… maybe).
Additionally, we'll take the leads we generate from the information you give us and provide lice treatment and education.
We may also use the personal and non-personal information we collect from you to:
· Enhance or improve user experience, the website, or service.
· Send e-mails about the site or respond to inquiries.
· Send e-mails about the website and other products, news, or updates for our company.
· Send to violent felons with taunts right before their parole date.
5. Misuse of Information
We secure our servers and your information, not because we particularly like you, but because it's to our own benefit that Ukrainian mobsters don't steal our e-mail lists. After all, if our clients get too much spam, they'll change their addresses and our leads will be worthless. You owe your security to the "Invisible Hand" of our self-interest.
Notwithstanding the fact that we have armed Gurkhas and Dobermans surrounding a bunker with our servers in it, we cannot warrant that your information will not be subject to abuse by a third party. Therefore, you agree to release us from all liability for any actionable conduct related to the use of your information by any third party. You agree that this includes a release for anything we may otherwise be liable for vicariously, or as a principal when hiring agents, such as cases involving a contractor hired by us.
6. Cookies
We use cookies and milk to satiate Santa Claus so that he does not eat our children instead.
Also, we use cookies to save your preferences, so you'd be a real jerk if you disabled cookies after we went out of our way to give you this feature.
Additionally, we allow Google to use its third party cookie to power Google AdSense on our website, which is designed to target ads that may interest you.
7. Third Party Service Providers
We take steps to secure your information when it's supplied to us, including using SSL certificates. However, since we may employ outside maintenance personnel, many of whom seem to have gang tattoos, or use a third party to host our material, there are third party entities which may have custody or access to your information even before we purposefully disclose it. Because of this, it is necessary that you permit us to give access to your information to third parties to the same extent that you authorize us to do so. For greater certainty, every authorization which you grant to us in this Privacy Policy, you also grant to any third party that we may hire, contract, or otherwise retain the services of for the purpose of operating, maintaining, repairing, or otherwise improving or preserving our website or its underlying files or systems-even if we choose to hire ex-cons, Chinese spammers, or Julian Assange for this purpose. You agree not to hold us liable for the actions of any of these third parties, even if we would normally be vicariously liable for their actions, and that you must take legal action against them directly should they commit any tort or other actionable wrong against you. So, if someone we hire messes up, you're agreeing you have to sue them and not us.
8. The Five-O
We may disclose your information to a third party where we believe, in good faith, that it is desirable to do so for the purposes of a civil action, criminal investigation, Giraldo investigation, or other legal matter. In the event that we receive a subpoena, or cocktail napkin with hand-scrawled crayon writing, affecting your privacy, we may elect to notify you to give you an opportunity to file a motion to quash the subpoena, or we may attempt to quash it ourselves, but we are not obligated to do either, and may not due to general apathy towards your interests.
9. Children's Online Privacy Protection Act
We comply fully with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act. If you are aware of anyone who is using our service and is under the age of thirteen, we're impressed, because they're obviously pretty successful if they can navigate the internet and request lice treatment at that age. Also, you should notify us immediately at info@noliceleftbehind.com.
10. California Online Privacy Protection Act
We hate California, because it makes us add this part, but we'll still serve California residents. If you are from California, we obey California privacy laws, blah blah blah. If you have any concerns about your privacy or the fact that you have elected an actor as your highest executive office on more than one occasion in the last hundred years, feel free to contact us at info@noliceleftbehind.com.
11. Amendments
We may choose to amend this Privacy Policy from time to time. When we amend it, we will post the amended version to our website's "Privacy Policy" page, along with the date that it was last amended so that you know whether there are any changes. You have to review the page each time you visit our website, and stop using our website if you disagree with the changes.
12. Conflicts
Where two or more provisions in this Privacy Policy conflict, NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC reserves the sole right to determine which provision shall remain in force. We may make the choice however we want, whether it be by logic, flipping a coin, racing two cats across the room, or any other method.
13. Severability
We reserve the right to sever your limbs if you annoy us.
Also, should any legislature, court of competent jurisdiction, or other entity which has the authority to do so, strike down or otherwise render void any provision of this Privacy Policy, this Privacy Policy shall remain in force as though it had been entered into without that voided provision.
If the entire Privacy Policy is stricken, then the United States has been occupied by communist invaders who don't respect contracts, and it's every man for himself.
14. Contact
Any questions (about your privacy only-don't ask us for the meaning of life) may be sent to info@noliceleftbehind.com.
NoLiceLeftBehind.com, a property of NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC, values your privacy and the security of your information. As such, we have written and published this Privacy Policy for your benefit.
Throughout this Privacy Policy, you may see the terms, "we," "our," "us," " NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC," and " NoLiceLeftBehind.com." Where appropriate, these terms refer to us, NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC.
Additionally, the terms "NoLiceLeftBehind.com," "NoLiceLeftBehind," "site," "website," and "service" refer to our website and its associated services, NoLiceLeftBehind, as is appropriate.
"You" and "your" refer to you, the person entering into this Privacy Policy agreement with NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC.
This Privacy Policy is a legally binding agreement, to the same extent that our Terms of Service are binding. It should be treated as a contract and read and agreed to by you with the level of diligence appropriate to entering into such contracts.
2. Personal Information We Collect
As a condition of your using our website, we may collect your name, e-mail address, mailing address, date of birth, telephone number, business locations, Vehicle Identification Number, Driver's License, and other information. By "may," we mean "will," but we thought we would sound less threatening if we wrote "may." Seriously, we're gonna make you give us everything but your kitchen sink.
3. Non-Personal Information We Collect
We also collect information that is less personal, and cannot normally be used to identify you without a subpoena. This information includes non-identifying information such as your IP address, browser, referring URL, sales/revenue information, square footage, and other information.
4. How We Use Your Information
We may collect your Social Security Number and e-mail account logins and display them on that big TV in Times Square (just kidding… maybe).
Additionally, we'll take the leads we generate from the information you give us and provide lice treatment and education.
We may also use the personal and non-personal information we collect from you to:
· Enhance or improve user experience, the website, or service.
· Send e-mails about the site or respond to inquiries.
· Send e-mails about the website and other products, news, or updates for our company.
· Send to violent felons with taunts right before their parole date.
5. Misuse of Information
We secure our servers and your information, not because we particularly like you, but because it's to our own benefit that Ukrainian mobsters don't steal our e-mail lists. After all, if our clients get too much spam, they'll change their addresses and our leads will be worthless. You owe your security to the "Invisible Hand" of our self-interest.
Notwithstanding the fact that we have armed Gurkhas and Dobermans surrounding a bunker with our servers in it, we cannot warrant that your information will not be subject to abuse by a third party. Therefore, you agree to release us from all liability for any actionable conduct related to the use of your information by any third party. You agree that this includes a release for anything we may otherwise be liable for vicariously, or as a principal when hiring agents, such as cases involving a contractor hired by us.
6. Cookies
We use cookies and milk to satiate Santa Claus so that he does not eat our children instead.
Also, we use cookies to save your preferences, so you'd be a real jerk if you disabled cookies after we went out of our way to give you this feature.
Additionally, we allow Google to use its third party cookie to power Google AdSense on our website, which is designed to target ads that may interest you.
7. Third Party Service Providers
We take steps to secure your information when it's supplied to us, including using SSL certificates. However, since we may employ outside maintenance personnel, many of whom seem to have gang tattoos, or use a third party to host our material, there are third party entities which may have custody or access to your information even before we purposefully disclose it. Because of this, it is necessary that you permit us to give access to your information to third parties to the same extent that you authorize us to do so. For greater certainty, every authorization which you grant to us in this Privacy Policy, you also grant to any third party that we may hire, contract, or otherwise retain the services of for the purpose of operating, maintaining, repairing, or otherwise improving or preserving our website or its underlying files or systems-even if we choose to hire ex-cons, Chinese spammers, or Julian Assange for this purpose. You agree not to hold us liable for the actions of any of these third parties, even if we would normally be vicariously liable for their actions, and that you must take legal action against them directly should they commit any tort or other actionable wrong against you. So, if someone we hire messes up, you're agreeing you have to sue them and not us.
8. The Five-O
We may disclose your information to a third party where we believe, in good faith, that it is desirable to do so for the purposes of a civil action, criminal investigation, Giraldo investigation, or other legal matter. In the event that we receive a subpoena, or cocktail napkin with hand-scrawled crayon writing, affecting your privacy, we may elect to notify you to give you an opportunity to file a motion to quash the subpoena, or we may attempt to quash it ourselves, but we are not obligated to do either, and may not due to general apathy towards your interests.
9. Children's Online Privacy Protection Act
We comply fully with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act. If you are aware of anyone who is using our service and is under the age of thirteen, we're impressed, because they're obviously pretty successful if they can navigate the internet and request lice treatment at that age. Also, you should notify us immediately at info@noliceleftbehind.com.
10. California Online Privacy Protection Act
We hate California, because it makes us add this part, but we'll still serve California residents. If you are from California, we obey California privacy laws, blah blah blah. If you have any concerns about your privacy or the fact that you have elected an actor as your highest executive office on more than one occasion in the last hundred years, feel free to contact us at info@noliceleftbehind.com.
11. Amendments
We may choose to amend this Privacy Policy from time to time. When we amend it, we will post the amended version to our website's "Privacy Policy" page, along with the date that it was last amended so that you know whether there are any changes. You have to review the page each time you visit our website, and stop using our website if you disagree with the changes.
12. Conflicts
Where two or more provisions in this Privacy Policy conflict, NoLiceLeftBehind, LLC reserves the sole right to determine which provision shall remain in force. We may make the choice however we want, whether it be by logic, flipping a coin, racing two cats across the room, or any other method.
13. Severability
We reserve the right to sever your limbs if you annoy us.
Also, should any legislature, court of competent jurisdiction, or other entity which has the authority to do so, strike down or otherwise render void any provision of this Privacy Policy, this Privacy Policy shall remain in force as though it had been entered into without that voided provision.
If the entire Privacy Policy is stricken, then the United States has been occupied by communist invaders who don't respect contracts, and it's every man for himself.
14. Contact
Any questions (about your privacy only-don't ask us for the meaning of life) may be sent to info@noliceleftbehind.com.
